tisdag 30 oktober 2012


I find it strange that so many people I've talked to in the last few days are very lacking in a simple analysis of power. Who has it, and who doesn't. I have to often remind myself that not everyone knows what I know.
For example, in most situations, a patient being treated has less power than the doctor treating her or him. Therefore I think it is perfectly reasonable that the patients request for, let's say, a female gynecologist is fulfilled  Know what I mean?
A patient might decline treatment from a male gynecologist, not because he is a bad gynecologist, the patients doesn't know if this is the case. More often is has to do with the role men play in our society, and before that is addressed an remedied I fully understand those who feels less safe in the hands of a male physician. We should be able to choose who we allow access to our private parts (whichever those might be) if there are alternatives.

onsdag 4 juli 2012

måndag 2 juli 2012

Update on my running.

I've returned to running for enjoyment and the health benefits. My goal is once more to be able to run a 5K and then we'll see where I'm taking it after that. Sometimes I like to document with vlogs immediately after running. The one below is from today.


onsdag 27 juni 2012

Runners High

It's time. I can feel it sizzling away in my body for the last couple of days. I'm ready to run again. Post partum bleeding stopped a couple of weeks ago, midwife says everything is looking good, my iron levels and blood pressure are perfect. Reassured by this basic physical I get my running shoes out of the closet.

174+ kilometers 
They are worn, dirty, red paint splashed across them. New ones are expensive and will have to wait. I just want to don my running shoes. I breastfeed my 9 week old to sleep, have a bit of conversation with my 3 yo that I'm just going to be gone for a short while. A kiss on Partners cheek and a wave and I am on my way. Kind of nervous. It's been months and months. This day, it's been raining, and still is, the soft droplets caressing my forehead and cheeks. A brisk walk to wake my muscles up, and then time for the first fast interval. And I still got it in me. Week one, day one of the Couch to 5 K program is easy on my body, this body who just got up from the couch. Have decided to take it easy, to fill up my new beginning with successful training sessions. Wet concrete, running past people who are walking home from work. Sweat starts pouring between my shoulder blades. It's over almost as soon as it began.
Two days later, when it's time for my second run, my inner thighs, my buttocks and my calves are sore, because I forgot to stretch. I had to breastfeed the 9 weeker as soon as I got home, naturally. Three year old told me she missed me when I was gone. I had been out for 30 minutes.

But no matter how sore I am, I head out a second time this week, and when I return I stretch with my 3 yo climbing all over me.

"You've been out running, mom? You like running? Huh?"

"Yeah, I like running."

fredag 11 maj 2012

My second birth

I am going to tell the story of a birth that was as near my version of perfect as was possible.
In the evening of April 23:rd, 2012, our 3 year old daughter BB was up late, and finally both me and my Partner had gone to lie besides her until she fell asleep. I was 38 weeks and four days pregnant and as I lay still besides her, I did feel a bit uncomfortable.
Earlier that day, at about noon, I realized that I had not felt that much movement , and not much the day before that, on the 22:nd. I called my midwife's office and when Anna called me back she advised me to call the hospital and head in for a Cardiotocography (CTG), just in case. I felt pretty calm but also that a ctg wasn't a big deal so could as well do it.
Calling friend Frida,  who agreed to give me a ride as soon as we both had eaten. I made an easy to make mushroom and onion soup and just felt a tad nervous as I ate it. She picked me up, drove me to the womens hospital building and while she found a parking space I sat down in a waiting room full of women i different stages of pregnancy. She soon joined me in the waiting room, and got me some water to drink, which to my relief, got some kicks in response. The nurses who hooked me up to the cardiotocograph, by coincidence were also named Karin and Frida, which we laughed about. Then came about 35 minutes hooked up, during which we were pretty much left alone.

Frida got me another glass of cold water towards the end and once more I felt movement, something that was also visible on the graph. During the time I was hooked up, I had two tiny contractions and two slightly bigger ones. All in all, everything looked great. We got back to her car. On our way back I did feel uncomfortable e few times, and I joked with Frida that she might have to drive me back to the hospital later that evening.
So, let's return to the evening. As our 3 year old settled next to me, and fell asleep at about  10pm, I was getting quite sure I was indeed having contractions. Partner was busy doing this weeks laundry and had to get back to that and we were both uncertain if this really was it. I got back out of bed and downloaded an app to my phone that measures contractions. I started recording on it at 10:15 pm. The contractions where between 10 and 8 minutes apart. No bloody show, just contractions. I tried eating a light snack and drink some juice.
 I sent Frida, who was going to babysit, a heads up text message at 22:39 and the Doula one at 23:14, I wrote in the message to the Doula that I was getting in the bath. Getting into the bath I contracted every 4-5 minutes, but they spaced out while I was in the warm bath. After getting out of the bath I mostly labored on the sofa, with Partner providing counter pressure in the small of my back. I knew it was the real thing, but it didn't hurt any worse than when I was still in the latent phase with BB. Maybe even that much. Still called the hospital to let them know at 23:24.
We called Frida again at 01:22 to tell her it was time to come over and the Doula at 01.27. Contractions were coming at 3-4 minutes apart. Frida made it first, since she lives nearby, and we chatted for while . I remember describing the labor pains to Frida as a pins and needles, combined with a burning sensation in the small of my back. About half way into the contraction, the pain "turned" and I felt my system flood with endorphins, reducing the pain. It wasn't long until the doula arrived, at which point I stopped timing the contractions to instead turn inwards and go with the flow. And what a flow it was. I varied between hugging the birth ball we just gotten, while standing on my knees, and coached by the Doula to lie on my back and try to relax my pelvis. I did not think I would be able to but to my surprise it did work. I had Partner, Frida and the Doula to provide emotional support and when the pain was bad Partner and Doula provided counter pressure which helped so much. The doula also tried holding my hips toghether, which felt nice.
02:52 Partner called a cab. I had tried standing up, and had a horrible contraction, sending me to the floor. I was no longer able to use the bathroom and any movement towards standing, provoked horrible labor which now came at about 2 minutes intervalls. I also told Partner and the doula that I was "feeling kind of nauseous".
The cab was here in the time it took to get my socks on. I collapsed again, trying to get my shoes on, then after that contraction was done, I reached deep within myself, opened the door and walked, very briskly, across the yard towards the cab. The Doula caught up with me and said something about my renewed vigor and I just hissed "get that door open". She immediatly rushed ahead and opened the back door and I slid in and surrendered to another bad contraction. They strapped me in but this one contraction did not want to stop and lasted for almost 10 minutes as I frantically tried to grab on to something in the car, grabbing partner and going from moaning to shrieking. The cab driver said nothing but got us to the hospital in 15-20 minutes in which time I had two more normal contractions. As we got to the entrance I realised that meant we had to push the bell...I just lay down on a gurney and told the doula to press as Partner was paying the driver. She really had to strech, trying to maintain body contact with me and ring the bell at the same time. The doors unlocked, then locked again, unlocked, locked again. I was fully aware at this stage, but wasn't really able to say very much, give the doula or partner any instructions or wished.
The gurney, picture taken the next day.

Suddenly a Midwife in training showed up...her name? Karin (although not the same Karin as the day before) and we got through the doors. But once more I sank to the floor and would not budge. I don't know if it was me or Partner who said I needed a wheel chair but Karin had one there in the blink of an eye and I was wheeled into the labor and delivery ward. Karin tried to point out her mentor, Midwife Lisa, but I did not care, I wanted Karin. We all entered room 10 and between contrations I got up on the bed, and immediatly felt I wanted to lie on my left. This must have been at 03:30. Someone asked I felt I had to push, if I felt downwards pressure and I was going to say no but then had to answe YES! I asked for the gas, someone turned it on and the doula handed me the mask, which unfortunatly popped of. I told them, moaned, that "here comes the water!" as I began pushing and felt a trickle besides what must have been the babies head. At this time they where trying to get me into a CTG but realised it was pointless and instead got my pants and underwear of, and yes, there was the head! I had done it! I had completed labour at home and was just going to deliver at the hospital. Mainly using the gas during the "ring of fire" moments, I moaned and shrieked, also cussed quite a bit. Then the older midwife said they needed me on my back and everyone encouraged me to relax my legs and pelvis.

Karin asked if I wanted to feel the babies hair. I did and it felt amazing, then I birthed her head and body in just one push. The cord was wrapped loosly around her neck, which was easily fixed. She was born 03:46, 16 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. Seconds after that she was on my chest. 

I had written a first draft of a birth letter, and put some scribbles on it after meeting with my midwife and doula, but then there was never time to rewrite it, but still, the hospital personel followed to my satifaction. One of those things was that they respectfully asked if I wanted a shot of syntocinon to expel the placenta and to reduce further bleeding. I gave my concent and about 10 minutes after that the placenta came out. While we waited, and marvelled over our second daughter, I suddely asked if I could cut the cord now that it had stopped pulsating. If it was long enough. Sure, Karin replied, getting the cord cutting scissors out.
No one tried to get the baby out of my arms either. The baby had done the breast crawl and latched after resting a little.

 I was given two stiches by Karin and all the medical personel left the room and I was told to ring the bell when I wanted to measure her, no pressure. They sent in breakfast for me, the doula and Partner. After two hours I asked Partner to hold her while I used the rest room. 

With her dad.

Karin returned at the end of her shift and thanked us for letting be part of the birth, well at least "the last 16 minutes of it". Me and partner sent the doula home to her own family at about 6:30 in the morning. Partner fell asleep and so did the baby. At 9:30 she woke up and I asked that her measurments be taken. 2940 grams (6lb 7.7 oz), 48 centimeters (18.89 in).

It was absolutley lovely and I am very pleased with how the birth played out. It was much less painful, probably due to less back labour, no rupturing of the membranes, no failed epidural and no pitocin drip during labour. Since this was 5.5 hours start to finish, in comparison to the almost 30 hour last time I was elated and only had two 20 minute naps during the following day.

Introducing CC

onsdag 2 maj 2012

8 days post partum - excercise.

I am 8 days post partum and me and Partner try to get out of the house most days of the week. Today was a babywearing, breastfeeding walk in the heat.

onsdag 18 april 2012

Pregnancy week 37+6

I'm reaching the end of my second pregnancy. And we have decided, late as it might be, to hire a doula. If you live in Gothenburg and wish to hire a doula for your own pregnancy you can go to En Bra Start or to Doula.nu These days I am actually a bit anxious about writing about my own life or feelings, but at least I can say that now that we have contacted a doula, I worry about labor getting started before we even get a chance to meet her...